i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so let's talk penis.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
