For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
