1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
