The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
