You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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