Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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