So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
