Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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