The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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