just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
