You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
