Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
