We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
