I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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