Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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