Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
