Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize