hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize