Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
