I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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