i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
