i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize