when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
