i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He has the fingertips of a God
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