I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
