glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
