Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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