Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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