Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I deserve this hangover.
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