question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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