I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Small penises have feelings too.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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