he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
