some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
