I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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