There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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