I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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