My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
