Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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