Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
