You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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