As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize