hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
