i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize