I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
