in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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