why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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