So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
