Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
