She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
