so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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