Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
