Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
