: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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