dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
