saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
