Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
