How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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