things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
