before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
