Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
