My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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