Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
