No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
