i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize