I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
