Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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