if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
