His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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