Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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