u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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