Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
