i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
