just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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