Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
