If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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