Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize