She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
