How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
