Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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