How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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