If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
