I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
