I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
