Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
