Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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