I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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