You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
