Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
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